Being and Not Being

Every day I grow more lonely or alone...hmmm, which one? Joy: Music , exercise, masturbation...hey there's Aids out there. Almost 50 but don't have a woman...recently divorced..no woman no cry said Bob Marley. Actually don't want a woman but would love to have some deep and meaningful sex...hmmm. But that's immature for a 50 year old ....who says....Who is that little bastard in my head with such right on analyses. We who seek pleasure are living life in its very meaning...why seek pain...but what about the wake of empty lives one leaves behind on ones journey...? Hey lets go do something instead of doing thinking.....thinking is not action it's masturbation...Unless one is thinking about masturbation and then begins to masturbate....Egads I am fixated.. Help me Freud....Jeez he's dead he cant help.....who can...ME!!!!! How ..ACT!!!!! I am scurred...of being...To be truly free one must act in total honesty....truly naked without concern for the little bastard in ones head...Yeah I know Bruce Lee said it before me...So I just want to meet interesting women....have conversations about something other than Television..Play scrabble (strip scrabble!!!!) :) Play chess >Chest also....Enjoy the physical...but when the night ends we are separate without a bind on each other...ah but there that little three letter disease...KILLLER!!!!! Oh well lets just stay celibate and not be...live in my head....But I am alone and I feel the separateness, I dont like it....What ladies fit the description i seek...college age 20 to 22...lonely spinsters....hmm I'll never know cause I aint acting so I aint BEING.